The Wild Joker
by Inverted Maelstrom
Summary: Naruto is neglected for his sister and begins on a journey to prove he's the best card in the deck. This is my first fic
1. Chapter 1

**I don'** **t own Naruto**

A regular deck has 54 cards in it, one of each card except the two jokers. Of course, the two are slightly different. Konoha would be a lot like a deck on cards in this way. No two people are alike in all of the Hidden Leaf, except two. However these two are not the same card, one is different, a wild card if you will. This is the story of the Wild Joker.

Minato Namikaze was one of the greatest shinobi Konoha had ever produced. He was the Fourth Hokage and earned the title the Yellow Flash. This was no more evident when he sealed the Kyuubi no Yoko into his daughter. Despite this he saw himself as a family man, at least he'd like to think so. No matter how much evil paperwork piled up, he always had time for his daughter, Narumi. Whether it was training or just spending time together, Minato would drop whatever he was doing for her. His wife, Kushina Uzumaki, was no better and sometimes worse. Yes, they would forget everything for their daughter, even their son.

Narumi and Naruto were spitting images of their parents. Narumi's hair was long and red while Naruto's was spike and blonde. The two were twins and physically very similar. But while Narumi wore bright and colorful clothes every day, Naruto's clothes were all white, without a hint of dirt.

Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze was a lonely child. While his sister was greeted with joy and praise by the villagers, he was rarely ever noticed. Not that it mattered to him anymore. He had gotten used to the neglect, from villagers and family alike. Of course it wasn't always that way. Naruto and Narumi would often play together as children, however that all changed a year ago, on their sixth birthday.

 **Flashback**

"Narumi come here," Kushina called, "your father and I have been thinking, and we've decided to start you training starting tomorrow." Narumi, of course, was jumping for joy when she heard this.

"Really I can't wait, I wanna learn the rasengan and sealing and all the cool Justus!" Narumi exclaimed. Minato smiled at his daughter's antics, but Naruto frowned.

"But dad, what about me," Naruto asked. Minato sighed, knowing this would happen.

"Naruto, right now we need to focus on your sister so she can control the Kyuubi's chakra. We'll start training you soon alright," he said. Naruto looked a little crestfallen but was optimistic none the less.

 **Flashback End**

After that they slowly began to push Naruto out of their lives. At first it was little things, ignoring his suggestions or not taking him to family outings, but eventually they began ignoring him completely. The only time he was ever noticed by his family was when he was in trouble. This would normally cause children to become attention seeking trouble makers, but Naruto instead became introverted, cold, and emotionless.

Today, of course, was like any other day for Naruto. He woke up, got dressed and went downstairs to cook himself breakfast, which he became exceptionally good at after Kushina stopped cooking for him. After which he ate and left the house, no real goal in sight. As he looked around the village, he thought about his life. He had three years until he entered the academy, which meant seven years until he could become a ninja and move out of Minato's house.

He was snapped back to reality when bumped man. He got up and inspected the man as he helped him up. He had no noticeable symbols that linked him to Konoha, but he had an aura about him that just screamed shinobi. The man wore anbu black pant and a large dark grey undercoat, no shirt.

"Sorry about that, wasn't paying attention," Naruto said, "Are you new here, I don't think I've ever seen you before." The man put his hand on his hips, leaned back, and burst into laughter and replied.

"Yes, you could say that. My name is Asobi Kado and I am just a simple wanderer, and who might you be child?" he asked. Naruto replied quickly,

"It's Naruto, no last name."

"Well you look distracted," Asobi commented, "wanna talk about it?"

* * *

Narumi had just finished training with her parents and it had already gotten dark. She decided after a hard day of work she deserved a few bowls of ramen. She began to make her way to the kitchen, but accidentally knocked over a beautiful looking vase.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Kushina yelled from her room. Narumi began to panic. Her mother was not someone you make angry. She quickly thought of a solution.

"Uhh, it was Naruto!" Narumi yelled. Kushina took a second to recognize the name. " _Naruto,"_ she thought, " _NARUTO!"_

"NARUTOOOO!" Kushina yelled as she upstairs to his room. Narumi could only see a blur fly past her as she snickered.

"Sorry Onii-san," she said, "better you than me." Kushina finally reached Naruto's room, but stopped as she reached for the door handle. When was the last time she had seen her son's room. She slowly opened door and immediately felt guilt. The entire room was empty, save a desk and a bed. Everything except the bed had a thin layer of dust covering it.

"But… Naruto never leaves his room," Kushina pondered, "What does he do?" Then a strange thought hit her. She had not seen him leave this morning, where was her son. Dread began to fill her mind. She began to franticly search the house. Minato grabbed her shoulder.

"Kushina, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly. Kushina shook his hand off and continued searching, then suddenly stopped and tuned to Minato.

"Minato, please tell me you know where Naruto is," she said shaking. Minato stared for a second.

"Naruto? Kushina what are"

"OUR SON MINATO, WHERE IS OUR SON" Kushina said. Her shout shook the house. Minato thought for a minute and shouted,

"ANBU!" three anbu ninja appeared in a swirl of leaves. All three had animal-shaped masks, one of a falcon, a bear, and a weasel.

"Sir," spoke Weasel, "Is there a problem?" Minato nodded and spoke,

"My son wasn't seen leaving the house but he is gone, find him!" Without question the anbu left in swirl of leaves.

* * *

"Wow," Asobi commend, "Interesting life huh?" Naruto simply nodded. Asobi looked at the child next to him. He could tell the emotionless mask was made through years on training. Asobi had listened to the boy's troubles and made a decision.

"Naruto, "He called out, "Tell me, do you want true power?" Naruto looked up at him. "I can train you to be the greatest ninja in the Elemental Nations." Before Naruto had the chance to answer, three anbu appeared near them. Bear looked at Asobi and narrowed his eyes, of course he couldn't see it because of the mask. Bear pointed and Asobi and demanded,

"State your name and business with the honorable son!" Asobi looked at Naruto and grunted happily.

"No last name huh," he looked down at Naruto, "well this is a good time as ever to show the true power I spoke of." The anbu tensed up as he reached into his pocket, but relaxed a bit when they realized it was just a deck of cards.

"I would be on your guard," Asobi growled, "I don't wanna accidentally kill ya!"

The anbu ran in to battle but from Naruto's perspective it was over in an instant.

All he could see was the bodies of the anbu pierced with cards. He immediately ran towards them to make sure they were okay.

"Don't worry, they'll live," Asobi hardily laughed, "I didn't hit anything important." Naruto looked at Asobi with his usual blank stare and spoke,

"Please teach me, Asobi-sensei."

"Glad to hear it," Asobi laughed, "We're leaving tonight."


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Naruto**

After leaving Konoha, Naruto went through intense training with Asobi to become the greatest ninja he could in the short span of time he had. He knew he had at the most four years to train before he had to go to the academy to become a ninja. Unfortunately, that meant going back to Konoha as that was his only real option. Iwa and Kumo would never accept him because of his father, Kiri was in a civil war, and Suna would probably just return him to Konoha due to the alliance. With that in mind he trained, he got back to training like a madman.

TimeSkip: Four Years

Naruto hadn't changed much during his travels, personality wise. However, he grew out his hair and made him resemble a blonde Madara. He wore a simple black almost skin-tight shirt and black anbu style pants. All in all he looked incredibly handsome, and the women of every village he entered acknowledged this.

As he walked through the forest he thought about what he was doing. He was about to go back into a village he ran away from, to stay with a family who often forgot his existence, to go to the academy and hear things he already knew, to protect a village of people who never acknowledged him. Despite all that he was rather eager to do this, even though he didn't show it. Ever since he was a child he had wanted to be a ninja, and now he would be. He was snapped out of his thoughts due to a tug on his shirt.

"Are we almost there Onii-sama," asked the little blue-haired girl. Naruto simply gave a light smile and nodded. She smiled back holding a small origami crane over her head.

* * *

After Naruto left, everything in Narumi's world crashed. It may have seemed like she didn't really care for Naruto, but in reality she was one thought away from having a brother complex. She always wanted to spend time with him, but could never find a way to approach him. After he left she began sleeping in his room, often crying herself to sleep.

Her parents weren't much better. After realizing what she had done to her son, Kushina broke. She would almost never leave her house, always frantically checking and rechecking for any pictures of Naruto in the house. There were none. She at one point stopped eating and sleeping so she had more time to check. Eventually Minato convinced her to go to the hospital to regain her energy. Minato had never stopped sending anbu to find Naruto. He was the Hokage and had to steel his nerves for his village, but on the inside he was just as broken as Kushina, maybe even worse.

* * *

Eventually Naruto and his little sister figure made it to the walls of Konoha. The guards were about to stop him, but one look from Naruto told the all they needed to know. The honorable son had returned. As Naruto walked through the village, he noticed many of the women staring at him. This normally wouldn't bother him, however these were the same women that had never once acknowledged his existence as a child. That bothered him like nothing else, of course his face remained stoic.

Eventually he had finally made it do his destination, Ichiraku Ramen. He may have been gone for years, but he would never forget the taste of his favorite food in the world. As he helped the little girl onto a seat, four Anbu, Minato, and Jiraiya himself had arrived in a flash of yellow light.

"Naruto, you're finally home," Minato said quietly. Naruto looked over to his father stoically.

"You have a seal on the ramen stand," Naruto asked making everyone face fault. Ignoring his question, Minato replied,

"You must come home, your mother has been so worried about you." Naruto looked at his father, and quickly replied,

"I'd rather not, besides, we came here to eat and we intend to do so." Before he could get angry at Naruto, Jiraiya noticed the little girl eating ramen beside him. She was small, probably about seven years old. But her face and blue hair looked so familiar to him. It was then that he noticed the origami flower in her hair.

"Excuse me little girl," he spoke up. The girl turned to him questioningly. "What is your name?" the girl smiled brightly and replied,

"That's easy, Konan's name is Konan." Jiraiya's mind blanked for a bit after hearing that.

"Konan, as in the girl you trained before me," Minato asked his mentor, "But she should be almost ten years older than me." He quickly turned to his son.

"Naruto, Explain," He shouted. Naruto's stoic face broke for a moment as he looked down. He felt annoyed even just recalling the event.

"That's not important," he said waving the situation off. Minato quickly responded,

"I DISSAGREE!" Naruto sighed as he realized he was not going to be able to eat his ramen. Suddenly, Naruto was tackled to the ground. Was he regained his senses, he realized it who was on top of him.

* * *

 **Flashback**

As Naruto and Asobi were leaving Konoha, they heard a muffled scream. Running towards the sound, they noticed an older man with a Kumo headband carrying a young tied up girl. The Kumo-nin saw the pair and immediately made a run for it.

"Well, this seems like the best time to start your first lesson," Asobi stated as he handed Naruto a deck of cards, "Throwing cards is like throwing shuriken, everybody has a deferent style."

He then threw a single card at the Kumo-nin's back and the man collapsed. Once Naruto got close enough, he noticed that the Kumo-nin was not dead, only unconscious. He quickly tied the man up and released the girl. Her pale eyes looking up to her stoic hero's face.

"Are you okay, what is your name," Naruto asked. The girl looked up at him and replied softly,

"I-I-It's Hinata." Naruto looked at her for a moment. Her pale eyes suggested either she was blind or a Hyuuga, and considering how fancy her yukata looked, he could guess which.

"What happened," Naruto asked. Hinata immediately tensed up. She suddenly began to shiver nervously.

"I w-w-was walking h-h-home, and I was s-suddenly attacked, but I was to w-w-weak to beat him," she said. Naruto helped her up.

"Don't say that, He was a Jonin," Naruto replied," I'd find it weird if you did beat him. Anyway, we have to go, but we'll be back one day so I'd like to see you again one day." She gave a faint smile and got to see Naruto do the same. As he left, Hinata heard him shout in the distance,

Have a bit more confidence in yourself, you look cuter when you smile!" The rest of the trip was filled with teasing and talk of "young love" from Asobi.

 **Flashback End**

Hinata took his words to heart, becoming a confidant young lady. However along the line she began obsessing over her blonde hero. If the was any information the village had on Naruto, she had seen it. Every so often Minato himself would come and ask her for help in tracking his son, albeit warily.

This, however, was the first time she had seen her man in four years. She was gonna enjoy this moment. She embraced him as tight as she could, inhaling his beautiful scent.

"Let go of Onii-sama," Konan squeaked as she tried to pry Hinata of Naruto. Hinata looked at the tiny child in the way of her love and hugged Naruto tighter.

"Umm, Konan, trust me when I say it's not smart to get between Hinata and what she wants," Minato said warily. He had done so once and still has nightmares because of it.

"See, even the great Hokage can't get between our love, right Naruto," yelled Hinata as she squeezed harder. Suddenly Naruto burst into millions of cards, all with the joker on them. Hinata looked down at the cards, then swiped her head looking around. Finally she angrily yelled out,

"I WILL FIND YOU NARUTO, YOU CAN'T ESCAPE MY LOVE!"

Naruto looked over the village from the Hokage monument and sighed.

"I just wanted some ramen."


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Naruto**

Naruto was chained to his bed in the Namikaze mansion, on his sides both his mother and sister lay asleep. Naruto looked at his family and sighed,

"What did I do to deserve this?"

 **Flashback**

Naruto looked to the sky as he sat on the hokage monument. After not getting to eat any ramen, he needed to clear his head. He decided the best thing to do was have a quick nap, and began to lie down.

About ten minutes later Naruto was awoken from a sudden weight being put on his chest. He looked up to 2 big white eyes staring back at him.

"Hello my love," Hinata said with a smile.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I tagged you with a tracking seal silly," Naruto looked at Hinata almost coldly before smiling. Sure, she was bat-shit crazy, but she was one of the few people that truly cared for him. Besides, technically it was his fault she turned out like this. Suddenly, Narumi appeared before them.

"Naruto, it's really you," She said breathlessly. Naruto looked towards her coldly, as if her existence didn't matter. She flinched at his gaze but steeled her nerves, she had been waiting for this chance for 4 years.

"Naruto, please come home, Mom and dad miss you, I miss you." She cried out to him. His emotionless face didn't change.

"I really don't want to, however I would like to test my skills so I tell you what, let's have a little spar," Naruto said, "If you win I'll go back with you, but if I win you have to stop trying to get me to go back."

Narumi looked at her brother, disappointed in his choice, but firmed her resolve. If this was the only way to get her brother back home, so be it! She got in her stance and prepared to fight.

"Ready," Hinata said, "Hajime."

Suddenly the siblings became nothing but a blur of color as they relentlessly attacked one another. Hinata had to activate her byakugan just to keep up. Despite this, it was obvious Naruto was wining, and Narumi couldn't understand why.

Naruto's style seemed to have a lot of unnecessary moves, as if it was made to toy with her. Every punch was dodged right before it connected, even though there seemed to ample time in between. And the worst part, Naruto never threw a single punch. Finally, Narumi started to get angry. She decided she would finish this now and started sending chakra into her fist.

She exploded forward at blinding speeds before she felt her fist connect. However she was shocked to see that Naruto had stopped her fist with the palm of his foot. A simple kick had stopped one of her most powerful taijutsu moves.

"Minato and Kushina have taught you well," Naruto said plainly, "But I think it's time to end this."

Naruto pull out a deck of pure black cards and began shuffling them. The aura around him changed, as if the Shinigami was behind him, copying his movements. Then Naruto threw the deck into the air, scattering the cards around the field. Naruto quickly began forming hand seals.

"Card Style: Jokers Playground"

The cards began to glow lightly as Naruto disappeared. Not even Hinata's byakugan could see him. He suddenly reappeared in front of Narumi and punched her in the gut before disappearing. She clutched her stomach from the pain as Naruto appeared behind her and kicked her down.

"Look this was fun but I'm tired and you beaten, so we're done for now"

"Thi-is isn't o-over yet," Narumi said struggling to get up. She began to swirl chakra in her hand, hoping to beat him with her trump card. Red chakra began surrounding her as she rushed towards her brother.

"Rasengan"

"Card Style: Queen's Anger"

As the rasengan was about to connect, Narumi noticed she could no longer move. The rasengan began to shrivel out of existence and her cloak of red chakra died off. She looked down and realized she seemed to be chained in place. The chains seemed to pop out from the cards and sap her of her chakra.

"Familiar technique, don't you think." Naruto said, "I based it off of Kushina's chakra chains."

Those seemed to be the last words Narumi heard before she passed out. However she was caught by Minato who seemed to appear in a flash of light.

"Quite and interest style you've learned, what's it called?" Minato said with a smile.

"Kado-sensei called the Laughing Joker style."

"Where exactly is Asobu, I'd like to have a word with him?"

Naruto finally broke from his blank mask to look down in sadness.

"He's dead."

Minato looked at his son warily. This man, Asobu, was someone Minato truly hated for taking his son away, but at the same time, held the upmost respect for him. Asobu Kado gave Naruto something Minato never did. He gave him someone to truly look up to as a father.

Suddenly chains began to wrap around Naruto until he couldn't move. He was the tackled down by his mother. Her eyes looked puffy, as if she had been crying all day.

"I can't believe you're finally back." She said smothering her son, "Will you come back home."

"Please get away from me… all of you" Naruto said coldly. Unfortunately this only mad Kushina tighten her hug. Naruto tried hard to escape, but those damn chains were quickly draining his chakra reserves and there was nothing he could do.

"Enough of that young man, tonight, you will be with your family and you will enjoy it!" Kushina tried to say in a confident tone. She didn't want to be too hard on him, lest he leave the village again.

 **Flashback end**

For the rest of the night Naruto just laid chained to the bed, literally waiting for something to happen. Finally he heard his window creak open.

"Onii-sama, I found you!" Konan said.

"Where have you been all day?"

"I was with a nice old man."

"Can you get me out of here?"

"Of course!"

And like that, He was out, and inside the cocoon of chains was a paper Naruto. Not wanting to wake anyone, Naruto and Konan quickly left the house.

"Wow it's already morning." Konan said off handedly.

"Well then, we should probably get ready," Naruto replied, "The academy starts today."

 **Omake**

 **Konan the Explorer**

After Naruto disappeared, almost everyone began searching for him. Everyone except Konan, who, being a child that can make paper wings, decided to fly and explore the village. Everything seemed so new and exciting. Of course her ability didn't go unnoticed. Many people ranging from civilian to Anbu stopped to look at Konan. It wasn't until she saw a stay shuriken that it clicked that she was an unknown girl using an unknown ability in a ninja village.

Immediately she quickened her pace, avoiding kunai, shuriken, and even fireballs. She looked behind to the Anbu following her on the rooftops. They were gaining on her, and she was running out of chakra. She decided to land in an ally way and began to run as fast as she could, but it wasn't enough. Soon she was cornered. Suddenly she heard a voice of an old man from the other side of the ally way.

"Stop!" Said the old Man, "I'll deal with her."

Soon Konan was taken to an ice cream parlor and was happy as … a kid in an ice cream parlor. The old man had given her a cone with vanilla ice cream. Unfortunately, the ice cream quickly began to melt and drip down the sides of the cone. But Konan was smart and used her paper ability to catch and she could lick up.

"That's some ability you have young lady," the old man said, "Be careful using it in public, you never know who would want to take advantage of that power."

Soon she had finished her ice cream and decided to start looking for Naruto.

"Thank you for everything old man!" she shouted.

"Please," He replied, "Call me Danzo."

 **Omake end**


	4. Wild Author's Note

**Author's Note**

 **Hi guys, I'm Inverted Maelstrom. I wanna say, first of all, that The Wild Joker isn't dead or even on hiatus. I haven't been able to write the next chapter due to a combination of both schoolwork and being really lazy. That being said, I will have a chapter up soon.**

 **Of recent I've noticed a lot of really basic errors in my writing that I usually gloss over because, again, I'm lazy, so a friend by the username of TheDonofTime will be editing my work before I post it. He himself is not a writer but I know him personally and trust his skills.**

 **More importantly, soon I will introduce a new character with a kekki-genki I made up. It is a doujutsu with the ability to stop the chakra flow of an opponent for thirty seconds if full eye contact is made. However, I'm not that creative, so if you guys could give me any suggestions** **that would be great.**

 **Thank you guys for all your support and I will post up the newest chapter right after I finish procrastinating.**

 **\- Inverted Maelstrom**


	5. Chapter 4

**I do not own Naruto**

Naruto Uzumaki was not a patient man, so the idea of waiting through four years of hearing the bare minimum of ninja skills did not appeal to him. However, the reward of finally becoming a ninja made it tolerable. Naruto walked into what would be his classroom for the next four years, Konan hanging off his back and Hinata on his arm. They seemed to the first to enter the class and immediately decided on sitting in the far back.

The next to enter the class was Narumi, whose first reaction to her brother's presence was to try for his attention. Unfortunately for her, she got it. Her spine shivered at the cold glare she was given. However this wouldn't even put a dent in her determination. Her brother would come back to them, she just knew it.

"Namikaze"

Both Narumi and Naruto turned to see the heir of the Uchiha.

"Uchiha" Narumi replied.

They both smiled at each other before hugging. Both Narumi and Sasuke have been rivals and friends since they first met.

* * *

 **Flashback**

Narumi was practicing her taijutsu on training ground thirty-two, when suddenly she heard a rustling in the nearby bushes. One shuriken later, and she assumed whatever was there wasn't anymore.

"Wow, you really as good as they say," said a voice behind her. She turned to meet the voice.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha, I hope we can become friends," he said, "But I don't hope we have a falling out over power leading me to leave the village with a evil, possibly psychopathic snake man."

"Yeah that would suck."

 **Flashback End**

* * *

Sasuke was going to continue talking with the closest thing he could call a friend, when looked over and saw the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Her exotic blue hair and adorable pale eyes made him feel some type of way.

"Excuse me," he approached her, "My name is Sasuke, and you are?"

Hinata looked at the man distracting her from her love. This duck-butt haired boy was obviously trying to introduce himself and, while she wanted to him gone, she would be civil about it. Naruto would scold her if she wasn't.

"Nice to meet you… I guess," She replied, "I'm Hinata Hyuuga."

"What a beautiful name, I would like to-"

"Look, you seem like a nice guy," she interrupted, "But I'm gonna need you to stay at least ten feet away from me at all times."

She then went back to hugging Naruto and arguing with Konan. Sasuke just stared blankly at what just happened. A girl, a beautiful girl, had just turn down him down. Now Sasuke was not an egotistical person, cocky sure, but not egotistical. That being said, he was well aware that most girls his age were infatuated with him, to his annoyance. So when the only girl he wanted to like him didn't, he truly felt sadness. But he was determined to win her heart.

 **An Hour Later**

All the students had finally arrived and taken their seats. All except Ino and Sakura who were fighting over who gets to sit next to Sasuke, who was spending his time staring longingly at Hinata. Hinata had taken to putting a piece of Naruto's hair she found in her Naruto shrine which was in a storage seal so that she could always have it on hand. Needless to say, Naruto was a little freaked out, flattered almost, but freaked out nonetheless. Konan and Narumi seemed to be aggressively glaring at each other. Narumi couldn't stand that Konan took her place in Naruto's heart as his little sister. Heck the only reason Narumi was put in this fic was to one day fill that role.

… Narumi disregarded that last thought.

Konan disliked Narumi for many reasons. The main one, however, was because of how she treated her Onii-sama as a child. Sure, Narumi loved her brother back then as much as she does now, but back then she was just a child who didn't understand anything. In her mind, Naruto must have to have done something to deserve the treatment their parents were giving them. She, of course didn't want that to happen to her, so while she loved her brother she pretended to dislike him in front of her parents. Of course neither Minato nor Kushina really noticed.

The class was loud with the chatter of Naruto's classmates, too loud for Naruto's taste. He was almost annoyed with it, these were supposed to be future ninja. Instead, however, he opted to shuffle his ever so present deck of cards. Despite how weird it sounded to most, shuffling card was almost soothing to Naruto, much like shogi to many others.

Finally two men walked into the room. By the look of them they were a chuunin at best. One looked of average height and build, wearing the normal Konoha uniform. He had brown eyes and had his brown hair tied in a short ponytail His face set him apart from most due to the long horizontal scar along his nose.

The other, however, was quite different. He had an above average height and better build and wore the typical Konoha uniform. However his hitai-ate was a bandana covering his straight, white hair. His green eyes had a glint of blue in them.

"Alright class, quiet down and take you seats." The scarred man said.

No one listened.

"Class," he said louder.

Still no one listened. Most students didn't even notice he was there.

"SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN," he shouted, using what would become his signature Big-head jutsu. After getting their attention, everyone quiet down and anyone who wasn't already sat down found a seat.

"Thank you," the man said, calming down, "My name is Iruka Umino and this is Mizuki Touji, and we will be your teachers for the next four years." Mizuki then spoke up.

"For a basic idea of what dealing with we want you to give a short description of who you are. You know, like, dislikes, hobbies, dreams."

Many unimportant characters gave their descriptions before another unimportant character stood up. Her pink hair and matching dress made her stand out almost as much as her giant forehead.

"My name is Sakura Haruno. I like…" she stared at Sasuke,

"My hobbies are…" she stared at Sasuke again. By this point it was starting to freak him out.

"My dreams for the future…" again she stared at Sasuke. Sasuke then vowed that he would never next to her again.

"Fangirls," Naruto and Narumi sighed under their breaths.

"And dislikes?" Iruka questioned.

"Ino-pig!" she shouted pointing at Ino.

"What was that Billboard brow!?" Ino shouted back.

Before the arguing went any further, killing intent filled the room. Everyone turned to see Naruto looking onto the class coldly.

"Continue with the class." He commanded. The class took a minute to recover from that, but eventually went on.

The next to stand was a fa-big boned boy currently eating a bag of chips.

"My name is Choji Akamichi. My likes are my friends and food. My dislikes are people who waste food and people who call me fat. My hobbies are learning to cook good food and hanging out with my friends."

Naruto seemed to approve of Choji's choice of words. While he was not a big fan of eating too much, he could understand Choji's, considering he was an Akamichi. More importantly, Choji valued his friends, and that was something Naruto respected.

After Choji was a boy who looked tired, as if he just got up from sleeping. His hair was in a styled ponytail that could only be accurately described as being pineapple-like.

"How troublesome, my name is Shikamaru Nara. My likes are sleeping and shogi. My dislikes are troublesome things and my hobbies are cloud watching and playing shogi with my father. My dream, I guess I want to become a chuunin, get married, have a family and retire."

Everyone sighed at how lazy Shikamaru was. Naruto, however, knew he was much smarter than he let on, and would probably work hard in a pinch.

Next up was girl with platinum blonde hair in a long ponytail, with the exception of on long bang covering her eye. She wore a purple crop top, a matching purple pencil skirt with slit sides, medical wraps around her stomach and legs and white arm warmers lined with purple.

"Listen up! My name is Ino Yamanaka. I like Sasuke and juicy gossip! My dislikes are lazy people and Billboard brow. My hobbies are dieting and learning new gossip. My dream is to be the best Clan leader the Yamanaka's have ever had."

While her dream was admirable, Naruto thought she wouldn't be able to do it in her current state of mind. She needed to stop dieting and start training.

Choji saw a beetle and was moving his foot to kill it, when he was suddenly stopped by the boy next to him. He had sunglasses and a large overcoat covering his whole body and half of his face.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He said monotonously.

"What, are you saving it for later," Choji said while stuffing his face with chips.

Instead of dignifying that with an answer, he stood up.

"I am Shino Aburame. I like bugs. I dislike pesticides and those who kill bugs for no reason. My hobbies are training and practicing social skills. One day I would like to discovered or create a new species of bugs."

Most students both shivered at both his interest and the fact that his voice never broke from being monotone. Naruto found Shino's dream and conviction respectable.

Next was everyone's favorite Uchiha. Well, second best, because Itachi.

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha. I like tomatoes, my family, and my friend Narumi."

Most girls in the class glared at Narumi after hearing that but she shrugged it off.

"I dislike fangirls and haters," he said as shades poof'd on his face.

"My hobbies are training and hanging out with my brother and my dream is to one day surpass him."

After his introduction two things happened. Many of the girls in the class squealed in delight, and his glorious shades disappeared.

Next up was the only seven-year-old in the class. She jumped of Naruto's back and began to flat in the air with her paper wings. However before she even spoke, a random civilian's child spoke up.

"What is she even doing here? She's actually half our age!" he shouted. Konan's eyes became deadly as she disappeared from sight.

"So fast," Iruka said quietly. She reappeared behind the boy, a paper bomb in hand.

"I can be here because I'm far above the league of almost everyone in this room." Her voice came out like ice to anyone hearing it. She moved back to Naruto as quickly as she left and her bubbly personally had returned

"Hello everyone, Konan's name is Konan. Konan loves Onii-sama and sweets, but Konan doesn't like bitter things and Narumi." Konan stopped to stick her tongue out at Narumi.

"Konan likes to fly and Konan's dream is to always be beside Onii-sama!" She ended her introduction with a big hug for Naruto. Immediately after Hinata got angry and tried to pry her off of him.

"Hinata," he said looking up at her. She paused and looked towards the class and noticed they were all staring at her. She quickly straitened up and patted off her waist.

"Sorry about that, my name is Hinata Hyuuga. I love Naruto. I dislike anyone who opposes Naruto. My hobbies are training and stalking Naruto. My dream is to one day get married to Naruto and have a big family."

Literally everyone in the room shuddered at how straightforward Hinata was. Though most had never actually met Naruto because of his extended leap of absence, everyone who's met her knew of Hinata's obsession with him. The most bothered by this, however, was Narumi. Hinata was going to be a problem in getting her brother back.

Despite everyone knowing the Hokage's daughter, Narumi knew she had to stand anyway.

"I'm Narumi Namikaze, I like ramen, my family, my friends. I dislike egotistical pricks, perverts, and the three minutes it takes to cook ramen. My hobbies are training and making friends and my dream is bring someone back.

Most were confused by the cryptic message but Naruto, Hinata, and Konan knew. Finally, it was Naruto's turn. He got up slowly, his face never changing from the cold glance he gave the class and his hands never stopped shuffling the cards. He finally stood up completely and the shuffling stopped suddenly as he began to speak.

"My name is Naruto Kado. My cards, my friends, and ramen are the only things I can say I enjoy. What I dislike is of no importance. I spend my free time training."

He paused and looked up in memory.

"My dream… is to make someone proud." He said firmly.

"May I ask who?" Mizuki asked.

"That is not of any concern to you." Naruto replied coldly.

"Well then," Iruka said, "This was an… informative first day. I hope you all train hard to be the best ninja you can. Have a nice day."

Soon all the students were out of the classroom, leaving Mizuki and Iruka by themselves.

"Not gonna lie," Mizuki sighed, "I was really hoping for more boring students. This means we're actually gonna have to do things."

Iruka softly smiled, "Yeah, this is gonna be a really interesting year."

* * *

 **Outside the Academy**

Naruto was walking quickly. He had to get ramen today and he knew of the obstacles. But he knew he could do it. Thankfully Hinata had to go straight home for training in her family's taijustu style, the Juuken, and Konan was spending this time exploring or playing with other children. That left Narumi and his parents. But if he tried hard enough he could evade them, right?

"Onii-san,"

DAMN IT.

Narumi spent the time after the academy looking for her brother. However looking for people is hard while being followed by a crowd of fanboys. Luckily for her, Naruto was happened to Jump down for a building right in front of her.

"Onii-san," she said. After hearing his sister's voice, Naruto froze. He slowly turned around right as she came in for a tight hug.

"Onii-san, look I know I've treated you poorly in the past, but you have to believe me, I've always loved you!" She cried out.

Naruto sighed. He should have been more careful. He knew, however, that at this point it could only get worse, and he needed to leave before things did.

"Look," he hurried, "we can do this whole back and forth thing later, I need to go."

Then he poof'd into a deck of jokers. Despite his disappearance, Narumi was oddly overjoyed. This was the first time he talked to her and didn't glare, and he promised to talk to later, sort of. She went home gleefully to write in her diary about this.

Naruto didn't know why he didn't just shunshin there from the start. He walked in to Ichiraku's and sat down.

"Hey , Old Man, can I get a bowl of miso to start things off?"

"On it!" Ichiraku said happily. As he worked, his daughter came to the front.

"Oh Naruto, how have you been it's been so long." She said.

Naruto gave a small smile and replied, "It has been hasn't it, I'm fine."

"One miso flavored ramen," Ichiraku said, putting the bowl down. Naruto looked at the bowl and inwardly cried tears of joy. He picked up his chopstick and final began to ea-

"I'm sorry to ruin your meal, but Hokage-sama requires you presence." Said a female Anbu behind Naruto.

"Can it wait like three minutes?"

"He says it's urgent."

Naruto's cold mask broke as his knees hit the floor.

"KAMI DAMN IT!" he shouted. He slowly got back up and shunshined into the Hokage office.

"Hello Naruto, how was your first day at the academy?" Minato said cheerfully.

Naruto glared at him coldly.

"It was fine Hokage-sama." He replied. Minato lost his smile at the realization that Naruto would probably never call him father again.

"It was fine up to the point where one of you Anbu requested me here right before I had my first bowl of ramen in three days."

Minato gulped at that.

"However she said it was urgent. So, _**LET'S TALK HOKAGE-SAMA!**_ "

It was at that moment, Minato knew he fucked up.

 **Author's Note**

 **Goodness, that was about double what I usually write. I felt like you guys deserve it since I haven't posted one in a while. Anyway if you didn't read my last A.N. soon I will introduce a new character with a kekki-genki I made up. It is a doujutsu with the ability to stop the chakra flow of an opponent for thirty seconds if full eye contact is made. However, I'm not that creative, so if you guys could give me any suggestions I would be really grateful.**

 **Inverted Maelstrom**

 **Please Review**


	6. Chapter 5

**I do not own Naruto**

Minato sighed in defeat. Of course out of all times he could have caught Naruto, he caught him during his craving time. While the Uzumaki had no cool doujutsu, they had a very unique kekki-genki that allowed them full knowledge of fuinjutsu and natural longlivety. But for whatever reason, these abilities are linked to their ramen consumption. That being said, every week or so their bodies crave ramen and they eat like madmen. Kushina does it, Narumi does it, and if Mito Uzumaki were still alive, Minato would bet she'd do it too.

This put him in a terrible position. Not only would he have to be quick about his conversation, but he'd have to make sure not to do anything that would set Naruto off to bad.

"Hokage-sama, I hope you didn't bring me here just to space out," Naruto said, bringing Minato out of his thoughts.

Minato quickly cleared his throat and laughed nervously.

"Oh, sorry," he began, "So now that we can finally talk in a civil manner, I'd like to ask you a few questions."

Instead of responding Naruto slowly began reaching for his kunai pocket. Minato tensed as he began to interrogate his son.

"Let's start with a simple question, where have you been."

Naruto looked at his father. At a glance he looked tough, his resolve steeled. However on closer inspection one could see how worried he was.

"Are you asking this as the Hokage or as my father," Naruto asked, his hand finally reaching his kunai pocket.

Minato voice rose a little higher.

"That is of no importance! What is important is the fact that you left the village for years without permission!"

Naruto's hand finally left the pocket revealing a deck of playing cards. The cards were pure black with crimson red designs. He began shuffling the cards, slowly at first. But as the conversation went on, he shuffling began to quicken.

"I'm a civilian," Naruto said plainly, "There's no rule against a civilian leaving."

By this point his shuffling had become erratic, yet controlled. To the naked eye, the cards were just blurs of red and black.

"YOU'RE A CHILD!" Minato finally shouted, "CHILDREN CAN NOT LEAVE WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THEIR PARENTS!"

The sound of card shuffling finally stopped as Naruto got up from his seat. Despite his obvious anger, he never broke from its stoic façade. Naruto looked his father in the eye as he broke his heart.

"You lost the right to call yourself my father years ago."

Minato wanted to retort, but his words were caught in his throat.

After a bit he finally cleared his throat and spoke,

"On to the next subject, how and why did you get Konan into our academy?"

Naruto finally sat back down and looked up to his father in honest confusion. It was the most emotion he had shown throughout the entire conversation.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"She's but a child"

"If I recall correctly she was a ninja before you were born." Naruto stated with the upmost certainty.

"She clearly acts like a young girl."

Naruto slowly began shuffling his deck of cards once again.

"She knows when to be serious. I've seen her in battle, even in her current state. I don't I could beat her when she's actually trying."

Minato looked worriedly at his son, but steeled his heart for his response.

"Fine, I will allow her to stay. But if I find even one reason she should be expelled from the academy believe me I will take it." Minato replied sternly.

"Is that all?" Naruto asked, not even looking back at his father.

"Yes, you are dismissed."

And like that Naruto disappeared into a puff of cards. Minato sighed in defeat as he looked upon the pile of jokers.

"Someone has to clean those up now"

* * *

Naruto finally found himself at the home of the greatest food in history. As he sat down and ordered a bowl he thought to himself how nice it was to finally have a break from everything. No annoying family members, no childish Konan, and, hopefully, no crazy Hinata. It was just him, his agonizing depression, and the great treasure that is ramem.

* * *

Naruto woke up in a haze. He was laying down on something like a mat. He felt something covering his head.

Great, he was kidnapped and blindfolded. His arms were tied behind his back and legs tied together. And, try as he might, he couldn't break the rope. He had actually stopped for a second and commended his captor on such high quality kidnapping material.

He went over the day's events to try and find when this could've happened. It couldn't have been over the course of the school day. He hadn't eaten anything. The same couldn't be for the Hokage's office. The only time he had eaten was…

No. He refused to believe ramen, the only truth in this world, would ever hurt him.

Finally he heard a door cracking open in the distance. Slow, soft footsteps could be heard until they stopped right in front of him. Finally he heard a voice above him.

"Oh Naruto" the voice said sensually. He recognized that voice.

Fuck

If that was who he thought it was he was not in a position he wanted to be in. Finally the blind was removed.

"How I've missed you." Finally he saw her for the first time in years.

"Kaguya, it's nice to see you." He said calmly, though blushing. She was stood over him in an almost see through night gown, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. She of course was a beautiful woman. With the proportions of a literal goddess.

"Now that we're together again we can finally make you a god" she said excitedly.

"Where am I Kaguya" Naruto asked, turning his head to look at his surroundings.

"Aww, don't be like that Naruto, it's been ages since we last met"

"I told you about this Kaguya, I don't want to be a god or anything like that."

She hung over him, breathing in his scent before speaking again.

"Of course you do, honey"

"Where am I, Kaguya" He said more sternly this time. She looked into his eyes and smiled.

"Don't worry; we're still in your village, sort of."

Naruto sighed as he looked at the goddess before him. He remembered the first time he saw her. Of course it was in battle. She was so impressed with how he fought she decided to make him a god. All that it required was for him to hunt down and kill nine jinjuriki, summon the ten-tails itself, and seal the beast into himself and bam! Instant god.

Naruto was brought out his thoughts by Kaguya putting her face inches away from his, looking longingly into his eyes.

"Kaguya, you are entirely to close"

She then proceeded to ignore him as she began bringing her lips ever closer to his until finally

She was pulled back by the collar of her nightgown. Naruto and Kaguya looked back to find a furious Hinata staring back at them.

"How did you get in here, I placed us in a pocket dimension so no one would interrupt us?"

"Neither time nor space can get in the way of true love. Now tell me Naruto, what are you doing with this harlot"

Naruto turned to her deadpanned.

"I was literally dragged here"

Hinata then looked towards Kaguya, who smiled fearfully.

"Now look young one, we could yell at each other all night,"

Hinata look eager to do that.

"Oooor, we could share a tied up Naruto for a while."

Hinata looked at Naruto, then Kaguya, then Naruto again.

Naruto didn't go home that night.

 **Hey, I'm still alive. Sorry for putting this out so late, I was moving and in the process my computer broke. Anyway, I'm finally back and still have absolutely no plan for how this'll go, so any suggestions would be appreciated.**


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